History Lesson - ( Sort of ? )

For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so early humans were content to stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed and they flourished.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night to eat with their beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, juggling, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women and are referred to girlie-men. Noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of redistributing the meat and beer that conservatives provided to those that did not care to help.

Over the years conservatives were symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant, because an elephant is wise, remembers the past, and rarely makes the same mistake twice. After years of character observation, Liberals are symbolized by the jackass because, well, need we elaborate?

Modern liberals add lime to their beer, but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, unemployed artists, group therapists, and actors detached from real life are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer or bourbon, mostly Bud, Miller, or anything distilled from Tennessee or Kentucky. They eat red meat red and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively and contributes to the economy. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They sheepishly crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.

And there you have it…Let your next action reveal your true self.