Wednesday, March 22, 2006

I Fear I Am Going To SNAP !!!

There is so much tension going on in our lives right now.

I am reaching my Saturation point - or Boiling Point.

I am becoming more resentful- based on fear I think.
If there is anything GOOD about that, it is that I recognize it.
But that's as far as it goes.

My children hate me, people once close to me, now feel distant.
I feel disconnected - and un important.
Feelings that we harbor manifest themselves in our
actions inappropriately.

I have been acting out - I think out of fear, helplessness, anger and frustration.

I feel terrible saying it, and I don't want to place blame. I don't know how to
fix situations beyond my control. I am not in contreol anyway and I'm not supposed to be.
I am praying daily and meditate daily. and I ask God for some understanding and
to set aside my fears and answer my (our) prayers for healing, relief and understanding.
What is God's will in all this?

In light of my wife's prolonged illness and unpredictable days I seek
help and cooperation from others at home to pitch in and help in the daily
household operation - without having to be told. taking initiative and
responsibility for their own messes - and duties.
( dirty clothes to the hamper, off the floor, cat litter box, feeding pets,
cleaning room, not leaving crap all over the house, not picking up after themselves.)

This turns into arguments - un necessary ones- this gets everyone off to a
bad start for the day - me included.

I can only do so much, I do need help -
I'm gonna SNAP!

1 comment:

Jeannie said...

Don't SNAP. The best advice I can give is to make yourself a cup of tea and read something positive, or find a good meeting to go to. And, maybe try not to take things so seriously. Try to breathe deeply and let everyone else have some breathing room too. Just think how much more difficult this must all be on a child than on an adult, with the coping skills we've learned over a lifetime. Try to protect and nourish them and give them security and breathing room. There are much more important things in life than dirty dishes. We are all alive. We have time to tell each other and SHOW each other that we CARE.